My rebel girl is sleeping. She’s been feverish for a couple of days and she’s been resting like she never usually does. Today is a very important day for her because it’s her 5th birthday. I remember the day she was born – the pain, the tiredness and the anguish of those long hours spent waiting for her, followed by relief and by the purest joy I’ve ever felt in my life. I remember everything but everything vanishes in front of the immanent beauty of seeing her growing up into a beautiful little girl.
B is 5 year old now and she’s a rebel girl, which makes me proud. I mean, dealing with her is not always easy, and we actually fight sometimes, but this shows she knows what she wants and tries to find ways to get it. I don’t agree with her all the time: if she wants the nth Monster High doll and tries to convince me to buy it, she will always get a “no” as an answer, but when she insists to learn to do things by herself (including writing), I can’t help but welcome her stubborness and independence and hope she will keep going, following her priorities and her desires.
This is an important day for another reason, too. It’s the 4th birthday of my blog. A lot has happened since I started writing here, in English, and I’m proud of everything. I’m even proud of some recent considerations I’ve made about my attitude toward fashion. I’ve probably hinted at it but now I want to say it loud and clear: I’m fed up with it! When I started writing about fashion in 2003, the possibility to express myself through writing was just great and exciting; Alexander McQueen was alive and kicking, John Galliano was steady at the helm of Dior and many other designers I loved were creating something special. Now this has changed, especially because I have changed. I see things from a different (and clearer) perspective and I’ve realized the world of fashion has been deprived of the meaning and of the magic it used to have for me. I don’t want to point my finger and find a cause, because there are many reasons behind it, but this is it. I’ll still write about fashion, like I’ve recently done, but with a different attitude and different expectations. The time for dreaming is over, which is not necessarily bad.
I’m not good at expressing my wishes because I’m basically pessimistic and I don’t believe in dreams coming true, but I’d love B to grow up with an independent mind. This will surely bring drama between us but I’m ready to face it. I hate conformism, and I don’t like when women must (or think it’s acceptable to) conform to social rules only because they can’t act differently or because they don’t have the cultural tools to say no or to choose a different path. “And I ain’t gonna grovel”, sings Donita Sparks in Broomstick, one of my favourite L7 songs. This is my wish for her, because it’s been my motto for years and the main idea behind this blog. There’s something more important than fame, money, even love, and that is your own set of values; if you let others bring it down, what else will be left of you?