You Want to Live the Dream? You Do What You Want on Your Terms

It’s been a while since I last published a questionary for “You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight”. Some months have passed and things seem to have gone totally wrong for women in my country: just think that more than 60 women have been killed since the beginning of 2012. Our society is going through a very hard time: economic and social crisis, political instability, hatred against women and feminicide are the main features of a historical period in which everything actually goes wrong. I’m 38 but I often feel my life has no direction, and I can only imagine how other women and younger generations feel. I’ve never wanted to live a ready-made life, but I think hope in a better future is what keeps lots of people going; if this hope is wiped away, for some reason or another, nothing remains, and this is the thing I’m fearing the most at the moment.

Despite such a dark moment, realizing that many other people share the same situation and the same fears makes you feel less lonely and hopeless. I’ve never believed in the concept of sisterhood, because sometimes social differences are stronger than the rest, but I believe in bonding with people (both men and women) who feel the same as I do, who experience the same (job) instability as I do, who just try to make things work and not to lose hope. I get inspired by these people, because they give me a reason to fight and not to give up. Among them, there’s surely Incorporella, the protagonist of today’s questionary, a strong and passionate woman who firmly believes in the power of irony, red lipstick and Courtney Love [1]! I hope you’ll enjoy her words as much as I do.

*What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I suppose not being able to be true. To be myself, no matter what, but pretending, to meet others’ expectations. Especially of the ones who love me. The feeling of anxiety that comes when you’re called to play a perfect role, and you can’t fail, or you’ll disappoint and hurt everybody who believed in you. And being humiliated. I can’t even think of it!

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Being surrounded by the smart, funny and caring people I love, no money problems, good music, books and food, and always slightly drunk!

Hold My Hand and Fight

It’s been a while since I last posted a questionary in “You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight”, but this doesn’t mean my journey around what being a woman today means has stopped. Many things have changed in my country since I first started this project: the former government is no more, which is positive, but economic instability and recession make our present more unstable and problematic than ever. The feminist movement in Italy has gone through a change, since the first object of its rage doesn’t (temporarily) have a central role in the political scene, but the issues dealing with our conditions as human beings and women are far from being solved. I’ve recently learnt more about the different currents of the movement and I’m actually trying to read [1] and deepen my knowledge about them as much as I can.

Now, let’s go back to today’s questionary. The protagonist is Raffy, a free-lance editor who has been a virtual friend of mine for many, many years. I asked her to contribute to this project because we have many things in common: we took the same degree in the 90s; she worked as a teacher for some time; we share a passion for movies and books and we have the sane political vision. I think she gave an interesting contribution, I hope you’ll appreciate it as much as I did.

Raffy and a furry toy (she loves them!)

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Chronic anxiety.

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Being free to experience the world (real or a fictional one) with an open mind and heart.

* Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
I’ve always been an X-Files fan so I adore Dana Scully for her intelligence, integrity and compassionate personality. And also Lily Bart from Edith Wharton’s wonderful The House of Mirth, whom, by the way, was played by Gillian Anderson in Terence Davies’ adaptation. It’s a kind of character who’s flawed, makes mistakes but at the end doesn’t compromise no matter the cost, and I appreciate that.

When a Man Gives His Opinion, He’s a Man. When a Woman Gives Her Opinion, She’s a Bitch.

After a long hiatus, one of the sections of this blog I care most about – You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight, conversations about feminism, sexism and thr 90s – is back! I’m really happy to present the following questionary, because it’s really special. Ok, all the questionaries I’ve published so far are special in their own way, but this one is actually made up of two questionaries, because the protagonists are two sisters, Alessia and Valentina. You can find them (and their lovely children) in a funny blog with an awesome title,  but I’ve (virtually) known them for a long time. I decided to ask them to take part into this project together, because I really admire both of them and I think they’re fantastic examples of what being strong, independent and opinionated women means today. Moreover, we all share an insane passion for the 90s, another reason to love them!

Valentina and Alessia in Brighton, 1997 (it was Valentina’s graduation day)

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Alessia: to lose someone you love. And to be afraid to change, mentally or physically.

Valentina: not being able to provide for myself and having to rely to someone else to have money, especially my husband. My priority has always been to be indipendent from anyone else: this, among other things, I try to teach every day to my daughters.

“The Most Common Way People Give Up Their Power is by Thinking They Don’t Have Any.”

As most of you might know, I haven’t watched tv since 2008 and I’m really happy with my choice. I sometimes watch cartoons with my daughter but that is enough. I don’t miss tv but I’m glad I watched it in 2007, when one of my favourite programmes was MTV Dancelife, which I enjoyed very much. The show, produced by Jennifer Lopez, followed the struggle of six dancers to achieve success and it impressed me so much because it featured extremely talented boys and girls, dealing with hard work and everyday problems. Among them, the one who stroke me most was Celestina Aladekoba, a gorgeous and super-talented dancer, an incredible example of what being an independent and strong woman in a tough business means. After that show, Celestina worked with many artists (50 Cent, Black Eyed Peas, Missy Elliot and Will Smith); she was the it girl of Prince’s Black Sweat music video and is among the dancers in Beyoncé’s latest video, Run the World (Girls).

While thinking of people I would like to feature in You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight, she came to my mind. I left a message on her YouTube channel, explaining my project, but I had no idea I was about to get a reply from her.  I’m so honoured to include her in my “gallery” of empowering women and I’m sure you’ll enjoy her questionary as much as I did.

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I’m not sure and I don’t want to know. I think there’s always seems to be something worse that what you think is miserable.

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?

In whatever state you may be in, if you have peace and joy I think happiness is right around the corner.

* Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?

I love super heroes and action figures (Superman, Storm, X-men, etc.), but one in particular is Captain Planet. I think he’s a unique character because he comes as a result of the unity of the “planeteers.”  He symbolizes the power of unity and many a time we as people forget its importance.

I also like Bambi and the character Much-Afraid from the book Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

* Who are your favorite heroines in real life?

My grandmother Naomi Nhiwatiwa. She was a freedom fighter.

* What is your most vivid memory of the 90s?

Busta Rhymes, Missy Elliot, the Spice Girls, and my big soda pop shoes! I remember teaching my friends how to do the “tootsie roll” (dance) while I was living in Nigeria.

* What does “feminism” mean to you?

The right for women to choose unhindered. Equality.

* Have you ever experienced sexism?

Yes, I remembered having a music teacher tell me I couldn’t play the drums because it was for boys and he gave me the clarinet. I played for a year and then tossed it.

* The quality you most admire in a person?

God fearing, integrity, ambition, and execution.

* What is your motto?‬

Love… I’m still working on showing more love everyday.

* Who would you have liked to be?

Me, just want to be the best me with super powers…lol!

* Could you put your identity into a few key words?

A child of God who hopes to fulfill her purpose of sharing love, joy, and great inspiration.

* How do you imagine your identity changing in ten years? Or twenty?

You know I’m not exactly sure but it better be a great one.

Wow, there are so many interesting ideas in her replies and they all show the importance of love, joy and happiness in her life. She’s surely a role model for me, even if we’re so much different, because I think she proves that faith and hard work can support your talent and lead you everywhere you wish to go.

Before closing the post, I’d like to thank Celestina for her kindness and her down-to-earth attitude. Featuring her in my project is another dream coming true.

“You Don’t Have to Be Anti-Man to Be Pro-Woman.”

I know it can sound cheesy, but Internet has really changed my life. Thanks to it, I have been able to develop my writing abilities, to learn a lot about my passions and to virtually meet many interesting people. One of them is the protagonist of this week’s You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight, a woman who has always been an incredibly positive role model to me and to others who have been lucky enough to know her. Our first contact happened on her blog: I commented one of her posts and then I kept on going back to her blog to read updates. Evelyn is a talented jewellery designer, an enterpreneur and – this is very important – a true fighter. I would like to say much more about her, but I’ll let her questionary do the talking.

Evelyn and her beloved dog Pinolo

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I think the unhappiest are cold people, people whose hearts are barred to others, who can’t find anything good in others. Being negative with anything and anyone leads to solitude: I’m not referring to the ”healthy” solitude which everyone should sometimes aspire to, but to the inner solitude which slowly leads to inner death. For me, this is the worst possible misery ever.

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
I don’t believe in pure and endless happiness, so I prefer thinking of a state of peacefulness, of constant well-being, though not absolute. My idea of peacefulness means being in peace with yourself and, as a consequence, with people around you. Once you’ve really learnt to love yourself in the right way, you will be able to easily love your neighbour and be peaceful, if not happy.

“Don’t Compromise Yourself. You Are All You’ve Got.”

Last Saturday I was lucky enough to sit down with two lovely ladies from Soft Revolution to chat about You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight, memories from the 90′s, teaching and parenting, self-perception and feminism. They asked me my opinion on feminism in the world of fashion blogging, a question which left me baffled. There would be much to say about this topic, because it has so many cultural implications: is this an example of democracy and creativity (everyone can express her own style and maybe make a career out of it)? Is it a media phenomenon driven by commercial purposes? Is it only a gilded ghetto specially intended for women (it’s like playing a living dress-up doll game)? Whatever your opinion, it’s true fashion bloggers – like any other blogger who is focused on a specific field – are often reluctant in speaking out on political and social issues. I don’t know if they’re afraid of stepping out of their comfort zone or it’s a question of reserve; in any case, I must admit I was positively surprised when one of my favourite fashion bloggers accepted to give her contribution to my project.

Paula, from Great Britain, is not a conventional fb: her blog, Pink Bow, is imbued with a unique sense of style and deals with fashion, music, literature, food and travels. Paula is also a terrific photographer and a vintage lover, two more reasons why I admire her so much. Here is what she replied to my questionary.

Paula holding a musical carousel and wearing her ‘Cotton Candy’ vintage dress

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Locked within your own mental torture, whether that be through regrets or experiences.

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
For me, and ideally those around me, to try as much as possible to live in the moment. Buddhist principles I suppose. Not to fret about the future or have regrets about the past is ideal. Simple but difficult to achieve.

* Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The book as well as the film. A simple, yet complex character but very endearing. And with an amazing wardrobe in the film, fashion generally comes into it for me at all times!

“Something to Remember as We Go Forward: Don’t Be Afraid.”

When I started thinking of a project about what being women today means, I wondered why this topic was so important to me. I’ve spent all my life over-analyzing myself and the world around me, so I guess this is the reason behind all this. I still don’t know exactly what got me started but one of my strongest features – the sense of (moral) duty – has surely had a part in it. As a teacher and as a mother, I have felt the urgency to show women can’t be closed into a box and labelled and can’t be forced to accept the roles society wants to shove down their throats, just according to what has happened for centuries.

I often think my parental role is even tougher, when I see the female role models children can turn to, but – thank God – the world is not inhabited by beauty queens, top models, fashion bloggers and bimbos only. I’m always overjoyed when I realize independent, smart, witty and straightforward girls exist, and I wish B will turn to them (and hopefully be one of them) when she is in the middle of a teenage personality crisis. Today, You’ve Got No Reason Not to Fight features Margherita Ferrari, a talented writer, soon-to-be sociologist and co-founder of Soft Revolution [1].

In this picture, Margherita was planting some tomatoes in a traffic circle in Vicenza
(she’s part of a guerrilla gardening group, Santa Allenza dei Guerriglieri Verdi).

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Ending up doing a job that I don’t like at all and the thought of losing all my relatives.

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
A vegetable garden during summertime.

* Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Matilda from the eponymous novel by Roald Dahl and Enid from Ghost World.

“Feminism Is a Revolution, Not a Public Relations Movement.”

Gloria Steinem, the leader of the women’s liberation movement in the 1970s, will forgive me if I borrow one of her thoughts as the title of this post. I don’t know if she would agree with my tiny project (if she knew about it): probably it’s not militant enough, but I firmly believe in the value of speaking one’s mind with honesty, no matter what. She would certainly agree with this week’s guest blogger’s take on life, self-perception and society. I’m very happy to host her on my blog, because she is the quintessence of what being witty and smart means. She’s Giovanna from Cagliari, whose nickname – Velvetuzi – says it all: she’s an iron fist in a velvet glove, one of the most evocative images about strong will and femininity ever.

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I usually link it to the loss. When you lose someone or yourself, when you lose faith in what you’ve always believed, when you lose freedom, control, identity, you become miserable until you find something else, someone new, new meanings to that loss or, at least, new ways to deal with it. Then it’s all about finding the strength to cope and learn from that misery. If you deal with that loss and you learn you’re not stuck anymore. Finding and learning are the first steps to the rise. 

* What is your idea of earthly happiness?
I know it could sound mushy but I think the best way to reach any kind of happiness is loving and being loved and, of course, rocking in a free world.

“We Were Proud of the Fact That We Didn’t Do Any Dieting Articles.”

When I first started this project, I began thinking of the people I wanted to be part of it. I put a short list down, which included friends, fellow bloggers, talented photographers I had known through Flickr, a couple of fashion bloggers and some of my heroines, women who have shaped my ideas of what being independent, self-confident and smart means. With this short list in mind, I started sending emails, with the hope of possibly getting a “yes” as reply. I still haven’t heard from the fashion bloggers I contacted, but some days ago I found an unexpected message in my inbox which filled my heart with joy. There it was, the reply from one of my heroines, Christina Kelly, who was so kind to answer my Proust-like set of questions.

I’d like to say more about her but enough. Now it’s time for her questionary.

* What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
A place where there is no coffee, wine or Fresca.

*What is your idea of earthly happiness?
75 degrees, partly sunny, sitting on my porch reading a book and drinking a Fresca.

* Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Weetzie Bat, Holly Golightly, any Jane Austen heroine.

* Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
Patti Smith.

* What is your most vivid memory of the 90s (from music, fashion, politics, culture)?
It is hard to pick one thing from a entire decade. But a personal highlight was playing a who with Bikini Kill and forgetting the lyrics to my own song.

* What does “feminism” mean to you?
The same thing it means to every one: that women and men are equal and should be treated as such. But they are not.

* Have you ever given an active contribution to the feminist cause?
I don’t know.

* Have you ever experienced sexism?
Many times.

* The quality you most admire in a man?
Humor.

* The quality you most admire in a woman?
Strength.

* What is your motto?
I don’t have a motto.

Ian Svenonius, Jane Pratt and Christina in the 90′s

* Who would you have liked to be?
A novelist.

* Could you put your identity into a few key words?
No.

* How do you imagine your identity changing in ten years?
I’ll be older.

* Or twenty?
I’ll probably just be happy to be alive, if I am.

I’d like to explain the reason why Christina is a heroine for me, but I’ll try to keep it simple. As a teenager/twenty-something in the Nineties, I never had the chance to read the iconic magazine she worked as an editor for – Sassy – because it wasn’t sold in Italy. Later, when I finally put my eager hands on some issues, I realized how lucky American girls were to have such an important point of reference in their lives. If you read How Sassy Changed My Life by Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer, you’ll fully understand the cultural relevance this magazine had for an entire generation of teenagers, not to mention the capital role Christina played in it. The charm of Sassy, of the infamous interview Christina did with Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love in 1992 and of long-gone times have always lingered in my memory. Some months ago, when I found out that she had a blog and was a mother of two, I felt that connection to her again, well, stronger than before, since I’m a mother, too. She could have ignored my email, like many others have done so far, but taking her time to reply my questions has proven she’s kind and smarter than I expected. For this reason, I’d like to publicly thank her because she’s given a precious contribution to my tiny project, making a dream of mine come true.

“Feminism Is More About Woman’s Consciousness.”

Have you ever thought what is the condition of women in other countries? Have you ever wondered if feminism is a world-wide movement, characterized by different issues and focusing on different ideas, according to the country where its members live? If you’ve read all the questionaries I’ve published so far, you may have realized all the guest writers come from Europe and the United States, but I wanted to give you a different perspective; for this reason, I asked Nouf, a girl from Qatar, to answer my questions and she was so kind to complete the questionary for me.

Her favourite teapot

*What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
When everything in the earth disappoints me.

*What is your idea of earthly happiness?
When I achieve all my goals, make my dreams true and make others happy, especially my parents.

*Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Tinker Bell.

*Who are your favorite heroes in real life?
Shaikh Mohammed bin Hamad Al Thani (the son of the Emir of Qatar).

*What is your most vivid memory of the 90s (from music, fashion, politics, culture)?
I remember everything about Disney, including music, fashion, etc.